38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
