so that wasnt chicken after all
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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