So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
