She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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