just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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