I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
