this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
