"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
