the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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