Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
