Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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