wat bout pragnant strippers??
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
