Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
