How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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