Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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