Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
