I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
