WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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