note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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