that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
