areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
