Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
