I heard we made out
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
