She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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