Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
