We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
