Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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