It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
