Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
