yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
