Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
