i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
