ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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