I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize