My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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