some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
