Just took my morning after pill in the library
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
