tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
