so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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