Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I sprained my soul last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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