I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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