sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
two words: eviction party
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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