I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
