i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
