I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
