he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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