I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
