i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
