I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Found your dick twin last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
