her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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