doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
