Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
