the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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