respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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