You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
