omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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