Just fell off a train. Bad.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
