i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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