I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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