you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize