3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
