Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
