It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
