I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
