I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
