The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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