I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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