I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
