A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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